Choosing your bridesmaids is like dining at Les Grands Buffets in France.
There’s delicious food everywhere. They have the largest cheese selection in the world. You have to be strategic about what you choose to put on your plate because sadly, your stomach just doesn’t have room for it all.
Navigating the complexities of friendships and trying to make a decision without hurting anyone’s feelings requires diplomacy, tact, and a lot of careful consideration.
In this ultimate guide to selecting bridesmaids, we’ll help you comb through your friend group, searching for those who have demonstrated they have what it takes to be an exceptional bridesmaid.
Bridesmaid 101
Bridesmaids are there to support the bride emotionally, help with wedding planning and prep, and stand beside her at the altar looking gorgeous during the wedding ceremony.
On average, most brides have between 3 to 6 bridesmaids. As a general rule, the larger the wedding, the more bridesmaids a bride will have.
According to tradition, it’s polite to include your new sister-in-law as a bridesmaid. While this is not an absolute, it is worth considering the impact not asking her may have on your new family.
Qualities That Make a Good Bridesmaid
You want to tie the knot supported by the people who’ve shown they love, understand, and are there for you—then and now.
While it can be hard to measure metrics of the heart, here are some of the qualities that can help you discern which of your friends qualify.
You’re Close
That friend you’ve had since 2nd grade, the one you rode horses with when you were 12 and spent Thanksgiving with when they invited you up to the cabin with that year? If you’re still in contact, she’s a good candidate.
So is that friend you met when you worked at a coffee shop 10-years ago. You see live music together every chance you get, and you were there to help her process the death of her father.
Think about your close friendships: Those people who are all in when you call and say, “I’m thinking of going to Mexico! Wanna come?”
Having history with someone is incredible—especially when that friendship continues to grow and flourish in real-time, and isn’t solely based on reliving the past.
They’re Reliable
One thing you need in a bridesmaid is reliability; you need someone you can count on.
Who’s that friend that’s always offering to pick you up from the airport?
Remember that time you had a long flight with all those delays, and she not only showed up to get you, she’d brought along freshly sliced watermelon? It tasted so fresh, so good after all the salty snacks you’d subsisted on during your delay.
They Support You Emotionally
Emotional support is another important characteristic in a bridesmaid.
Take that friend you called after your last break up. When you couldn’t get words out because you were crying so hard, she showed up at your door with soup–because you’d lost your appetite—and a bottle of wine.
She promised you’d feel better soon enough. She was adamant when she told you that you’d find someone better, someone who’d love you and support you—and sure enough, she was right!
They’re Willing to Help
Willingness to lend a hand is another desirable bridesmaid characteristic.
From planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party to helping you craft DIY décor. You want the people who show up excited and motivated, and are always happy to lend a hand.
They Have the Time and Financial Resources
While the commitment level varies depending on the type of the wedding, being a bridesmaid includes a time and financial obligation.
Some friends may live out of state, and will need to travel in order to participate. This can be tricky, especially with those who have small kids, a busy household, or who are limited financially.
There may be some friends that, because you’re so close, you know they may not currently have the resources to be a bridesmaid.
In cases such as those, you can always let them know you’d love to have them as a bridesmaid, but understand that it may be too much to ask.
Then, listen. Perhaps they’ll find a way to be involved—or they could be an honorary bridesmaid, instead.
They’re Easy-Going
The last thing you need is squabbling bridesmaids and people who make it all about them.
The people you choose as bridesmaids should be emotionally intelligent and mature enough to know this is your moment. They should be respectful, and keep the big-picture in mind.
Selecting Your Bridesmaids
As you go through the qualities necessary in a bridesmaid, do certain names show up, again and again?
If so, these are your bridesmaids!
They’re the friends who have been there for you in all sorts of ways, providing real-life proof they love and care about you. These ladies possess the necessary traits and characteristics to meet the requirements of the role, and have proven they’ve earned the spot with you up at the altar.
Conclusion:
Congratulations! Now that you know who your bridesmaids are, it’s time to share the exciting news with them.
